i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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