I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
