I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
