Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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