I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Someone signed my nipple.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
