When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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