chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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