ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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