I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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