Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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