I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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