Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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