no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
