dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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