Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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