How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize