Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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