Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
