Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
