You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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