Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
