I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
