OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
