So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
