my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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