Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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