take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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