She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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