We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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