Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
