I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize