May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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