playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
