Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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