I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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