With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
