I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
