I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Too much gin, very little bucket
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
