Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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