i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
