You're completely useless in the revolution.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
