i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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