You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The Olympian is in my bed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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