yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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