We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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