I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
