I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
