you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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