my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
