The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
