We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
