i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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