Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
