dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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