Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
