so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize