dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
