shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
wow bdsm is so cute
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
