Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you traded sex for a burrito?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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