i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize