my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
