I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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