TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
