Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
