Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
