and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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