I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
