barbara walters just said penis...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
