I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
