dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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