Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
