So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
