if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
