I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
