I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
