you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
