My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
