Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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