you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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