definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
