Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
