just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
