He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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